It's okay to talk about

Yesterday I gave a presentation about the basics of mental health and how we can all keep ourselves mentally healthy in this new year. I didn’t have a lot of expectations about how the talk would go or what the reception would be, as this is a very new group and population to this kind of conversation – seniors in an independent living facility. I wasn’t sure whether this generation was ready to talk about mental health, so I approached it from the foundation of “our mental health is our feelings, thoughts, behavior patterns, and our relationships – all those intangible parts of ourselves that also require care and attention.” We talked about how to know whether what you’re feeling is okay, and how we might recognize symptoms or areas we’d like to work on – and how to do that hard but important work!

I was so pleasantly surprised by the turnout – we filled the cafeteria, probably over 50 residents came to hear what I had to say! Yes, some nodded off during my talk – one woman came up afterward to apologize for falling asleep a little, and said she “hoped she absorbed some of it”! Far and away, though, they were an engaged and open group! They asked great questions about how to support their own and their families’ mental health, including wanting to talk about the Mental Health Pyramid and their own experience with being overprescribed medications rather than being encouraged to work on some of the other important and do-it-yourself areas of mental health. We also talked about depression and grief, experiences that become more common as we age and experience more losses, including sometimes loss of identity, purpose, and motivation.

As we were wrapping up and several people came up to thank me for coming, I saw one man’s handout sheet sitting on his walker. Under the title of the talk, he had scrawled:

“Mental health – it’s okay to talk about.”

I nearly started crying for joy that this was his takeaway! I love the idea that maybe these folks felt a little more equipped to talk with their family members about what either of them might be feeling. I hope that this is the takeaway from any talk I give – that mental health is important, and it’s for all of us, and it is absolutely okay to talk about.

Jessie Everts, PhD LMFT

Ask Anyway

We’ve been away, but for good reason – we’ve been busy! Empower Mental Health has been all around the state of Minnesota, engaging with providers on how to best address mental health! We have been talking with leaders about what struggles they are seeing and what some of the barriers to addressing them are…and there are a lot of each!

Here are some things we’ve learned. “Mental health” is a buzzterm right now, but a lot of people don’t really know what it means. When we talk about mental health, we’re talking about everything from anxiety, depression, and everyday stress, all the way to more severe things like suicidal ideation and aggressive behaviors that might come from an issue like schizophrenia or a neurocognitive disorder. Anxiety, depression, and stress are by far the most common things that people see around them, and these might be just normal feelings but also might be symptoms of a bigger issue that may require some kind of treatment.

Second, people don’t like to ask about others’ mental health because A) they think it will make the other person (or themselves) uncomfortable, or B) they don’t know what to do next. Okay! That is totally fine. Ask anyway. It absolutely might be uncomfortable to ask someone if there is something bigger going on for them than just an angry outburst or seeming isolated or withdrawn. Ask anyway. I love the “Seize the Awkward” campaign I’ve seen on commercials – it’s geared toward adolescents but does a great job of saying “it’s okay to talk about it, even if it’s awkward.” In fact, it is absolutely better to say something than nothing at all! Saying nothing makes it seem like it’s not okay to be struggling, which keeps stigma high and people quiet. And even if you don’t know what to say next, just the fact that you have asked opens the conversation. You can say “Is there anything I can do to help?” or even “I’m not sure what to say, but I’m glad you told me.” And you can always suggest that they find a professional (a therapist) to talk to – we therapists love to hear that clients come to us because someone who cares about them said they should talk to someone!

Here’s another thing you can do: write to our “Ask a Therapist” page and ask how you can support someone you care about who might be struggling with mental health. We love questions and can give you a few helpful hints about bringing it up or let you know how great a job you did trying it out!

Ask anyway! Breaking down the stigma around mental health helps us all – because we’ll all feel less scared about talking about things, and the struggles we all have will become more manageable.

Jessie Everts, PhD LMFT

Ask Anyway.

In the Tunnel

Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention day and today is the 18th anniversary of the terrorist attack of 9/11. It’s a rainy, gloomy morning in Minnesota, and sometimes it feels like sadness is all around us. This is a feeling and sentiment that I’ve been hearing often in my work and in my life – sometimes it feels hopeless, and sometimes there is more darkness than there is light. We have days like this. We all do.

The most pain I’ve felt in my life is when I tried to deny those feelings, shove them down or pretend they didn’t exist; the best I’ve felt is when I let myself feel them, and then went “through the tunnel” (as a yoga teacher of mine says) and came out the other side. Because there is always another side. No feeling lasts forever, including sadness, depression, even hopelessness. Moreover, no feeling is as painful as we let ourselves believe. Sadness is just a feeling. Hopelessness is just a feeling. It’s a body response, and a spirit response, and the best thing we can do is pay attention to it, not judge it or try to stop it, but to see what it has to tell us. And then do something about it.

The key is to keep moving forward. We can let ourselves feel our feelings, to sit in them for a while, and then the job of life is to keep going. It might mean doing something to shake up our routine or to get out of our own heads. It might mean reaching out to talk to someone. It might mean taking a mental health day from work (please, employers, make this an option for everyone! Talk to me about how to make it happen!) and doing something to take care of yourself. When we do these things for ourselves, we can create a little bit more light in the world. When we tell someone else about our struggle and they feel they can open up about their own – there is a little bit more light. This is how we combat the darkness – by creating one little spark of light at a time.

Always feel welcome to ask a question or share your experience and create a little light here!

Jessie Everts, PhD LMFT