I’m writing a book. This is an exciting but also humbling effort for me – something I’ve always wanted to do and also something I feel completely unprepared and at times unqualified for. Writing a book is also a pretty internal process: trying to make sense out of, organize, and then put into words the things you think about so that others can understand and get something out of them, too. It is a world of small, excruciating, private struggles and successes.
Yesterday, I crossed a threshold in word count that my publisher said was important and my daily to-do post-it note told me to “celebrate!” so I looked around my little office as if something should be different or someone should be there to share it with me! Not even the dog was around, so I went and made myself a mug cake, sat and took some deep breaths to savor the moment, and went on with my day.
As I’m nearing the time to talk about this book publicly and expose my struggles and successes to the world, I’m filled with self-doubt. What if nobody reads it? What if someone (anyone) who does read it hates it? What if they…write comments about how much they hate it?
Just as the universe works, I came across this quote right then, when I needed it. So here we go, on a journey of “great awakening,” if the level of my doubt is any indication.
From The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel van der Kolk